A Coach's Guide to Developing Self-Esteem

INTRODUCTION

Individual and team performance is directly related to how an athlete feels about him/herself. Your athletes will learn faster, perform better and have fewer performance problems when you help them feel good about themselves.

STEP ONE

TREAT ATHLETES WITH RESPECT
Deal with your athletes the way that you would like to be dealt with. Respect them and they will end up respecting you. If they respect you, they will be able to learn from you and will go to the ends of the earth to perform for you. Humiliate and/or demean them on a regular basis and ultimately they will end up fearing you and hating the sport.

STEP TWO

AVOID COMPARISONS
All too often coaches make the mistake of comparing athletes on the same team. Comparisons almost always make athletes feel badly and engender intrasquad rivalries and unhealthy competition. If you're going to compare, do so only to model (i.e., "Look at the way Janice executes that trick... especially watch what she does with her upper body... that's what we want you to do").

STEP THREE

DEAL WITH YOUR ATHLETES AS WHOLE PEOPLE
If you take an interest in your athlete beyond his/her athletic abilities you will go a long way toward making that athlete feel special. If an athlete knows that you care about them as a person, not just for what they can do for you or the team, they will "reward" you with high intensity, increased motivation and peak performances.

STEP FOUR

DO NOT EQUATE YOUR ATHLETES' SELF-ESTEEM WITH THEIR PERFORMANCES
When your athletes have bad performances or "let you down" they are not less of a person. What they need from you most is a self-esteem boost, not a self-esteem assault. Athletes that know that their coach will respond negatively when they fail will suffer from continuous performance problems.

STEP FIVE

CHALLENGE YOUR ATHLETES, DON'T THREATEN THEM
When you really want your athletes to stretch themselves and push to that next level, challenge them! Encourage them to go for it and let them know that you believe they can do it. A challenge is a positive way to interact with them. It raises their self-esteem. A threat is negative and entails a punishment. Threats potentially diminish self-esteem and will set up the wrong kind of relationship with them.

STEP SIX

VIEW YOUR ATHLETES' PERSONAL PROBLEMS AS AN OPPORTUNITY TO DEVELOP A BETTER RELATIONSHIP WITH THEM
When your athletes bring personal problems to the gym, court or field don't view this as a hassle and interference to your coaching. Instead, see this as a chance to get to know the athlete better and to help him/her in a significant, personal way. If you approach their difficulties this way you'll automatically raise their self-esteem.

STEP SEVEN

COMMUNICATE
Be open, direct and honest in your communications to your athletes. Let them know clearly how you feel and what is going on. If you are angry or upset with an athlete's behavior, let them know directly. Do not expect that they should "read your mind". Communicate directly with them and they will do so with you.

STEP EIGHT

LISTEN
The heart of effective communication is listening. The way to make an athlete feel better about him/herself is to listen to them when they speak to you. Listening communicates caring on your part and will make an athlete feel better about themselves. So the next time they speak, do not plan out in your head how you will respond. Be silent both outside and inside and just listen.

STEP NINE

BE EMPATHIC
There is nothing that makes you feel good about yourself as much as knowing that someone you respect understands you. Step into your athletes' shoes when they come to you with their problems. View the world from their perspective not yours. If you let them know that you understand what it's like to be in their shoes you'll make them feel cared about and valued. Communication with empathy is a key tool to raise self-esteem in your athletes.

STEP TEN USE RECOGNITION
Recognition is one of the most powerful motivators there is and another important way that you can get your athletes feeling better about themselves. Every day let your athletes know that you know that they are there. Even simple comments like, "good effort", "nice job", "how to hustle" or "good to see you today" go a long way to make your athletes feel good about working with you. Sometimes all it takes is a simple pat on the back for you to help turn around an athlete's day.

STEP ELEVEN

BE POSITIVE
Nothing good comes from negativity. Positive coaching is much more effective than negative coaching. Consistently getting down on your athletes will not make them feel good about you or themselves and it certainly won't inspire them to greatness. Negativity will bring you and everyone around you down. Be positive no matter what. Display a positive attitude and you'll find that it becomes catchy.

STEP TWELVE

HANDLE FAILURES, SETBACKS AND MISTAKES CONSTRUCTIVELY
Teach your athletes that failures and mistakes are a necessary part of the learning process and not a cause for embarrassment and humiliation. Model this attitude and you will teach your athletes to take risks and really go for it. If you jump in an athlete's face whenever they mess up you are not only assaulting their self-esteem, but teaching them that they should worry about making mistakes.

STEP THIRTEEN

PRAISE THE INDIVIDUAL, CRITICIZE THE GROUP
When an athlete messes up, do not single that player out for humiliation in front of the group. Teach the whole group that when you are in that particular situation, you do not want an athlete doing such an such (you demonstrate without naming names). If an athlete does something well, single him/her out by name in front of the group for praise, ("In this situation, I want you to handle things just like Bill did"). If you feel the need to criticize an individual do it in private.

STEP FOURTEEN

MODEL HIGH SELF-ESTEEM
If you want your athletes to feel good about themselves be sure that you act and present yourself in such away that speaks of high self-esteem. This does NOT mean that you should go around in an uppity or condescending manner. It does mean that you should act like you value yourself.

STEP FIFTEEN

DO NOT CONDONE DEMEANING BEHAVIOR ON THE TEAM
Do not allow an athlete or his/her teammates to put themselves or anyone else down. You do not want to collude with anyone's low self-esteem by allowing that behavior to go on unchecked

Coaching with Constructive Criticism

This article appeared in the Dugout Newsletter in April of 2003.

Kids can be very critical of themselves when they make mistakes. In addition to that if they are also criticized by a parent or coach, it can lead to a player losing confidence in his ability and playing tentative for fear of making another mistake. As a coach or parent you can help build the confidence of players by handling mistakes in a positive manner. John Wooden, the great UCLA coach, understood the importance of positive reinforcement. It didn't mean he wasn't critical of his players, but he would provide feedback in a way that was beneficial. Constructive criticism is the process of providing both positive and negitive comments in a friendly helpful manner, instead of a negative manner.

Fear of Failure

Watch any game from youth through the professional level and you'll see plays not being made because the player was more afraid of failure than anything else. In our opinion, fear of failure, is a more important in a player not being able to perform during a critical situation than any other factor. Sure, it's true that a player may be over matched in a given situation, but even then the fear of failure will often take the small opportunity for success and reduce it even further.

Young players are motivated by achievements and most do not respond well to criticism. They want to get better and they will try hard when they feel good about what they are doing. If a player is practicing ground balls and his coaching is yelling, "Stay in front of the ball", "Keep your glove down", "Use both hands", and the player is struggling, he may want to give up. His confidence is being reduced by each instruction being yelled in his direction. As you read this over, you might think, "So, how else is he going to learn if I don't tell him what he's doing wrong?". This is a very natural way of providing feedback for most people. We compliment the good plays and criticize the bad plays. We label the criticism as "constructive criticism" which makes us feel like it's not a negative thing. How do the kids feel about this 'constructive criticism'? It, like many things, depends on the individual, but if they are not feeling good about their play or their ability, then this criticism isn't going to help improve their performance. If it's not going to help them then we can't label it 'constructive criticism'. In a game we want our players to have very short memories. We want them to forget about a bad play and focus on the rest of the game. Does criticism of a bad play, no matter what the intention, help the player do that? In my experience, the answer is no. It will not help lift them up and get them prepared for the next opportunity, it just gives them reinforcement that they did something wrong.

So that leaves a bit of a problem: How do we provide feedback to our players during a game that will help prevent the same mistake from happening again, while allowing them to move on and focus on the rest of the game?

The method we use came from a coaching effectiveness training seminar that we have been to a couple of times. It was presented by Dr. Frank Smoll, a Professor of Psychology at the University of Washington. He covered a number of topics during the session and one of the strategies we have found very effective in dealing with mistakes. This strategy is not unique to this coaching seminar, as we have seen it written about in a number of different publications. Here is our interpretation of that strategy:

1. Not every mistake requires that you give instruction. If a player knows what he did wrong and knows how to correct it, there's no need for you to tell him. Simply encourage the player with a positive statement.
2. If you feel the player needs some instruction or reminder to keep from making the mistake again, "sandwich" the instruction inside of supportive statements. Here is an example:
   
   Player picks his glove up on a ground ball and it gets by him letting a run score. He comes to the dugout after the inning. He's upset and knows he cost his team a run.
   
   Coach: "Billy, you did an excellent job of getting in front of that ground ball, your footwork was perfect." (positive supportive statement about what he did right)
   
   Coach: "Remember to keep your glove on the ground and then move it up if needed." (instruction)
   
   Coach: "In practice we worked on that and you were fielding really well. Now on the next ground ball that is hit to you, field it just the way you have been in practice and make a strong throw." (supportive statements that reflect on a positive experience along with the potential positive outcome of the next ground ball.)

By using this approach, we have found that the player will see that we are confident in his ability to make the play and won't dwell as long on the mistake. We have found that timing is also important. Some kids need a couple of minutes to deal with the mistake before we talk with them, others will look for that support right away.

It takes practice to make this type of feedback a habit, especially during a game, when you have so much going on. We hope you find it to be a helpful strategy in dealing with player mistakes.

This article appeared in the Dugout Newsletter in April of 2003.